That Smile

After reading an email from Evon, once again I browsed through my picture gallery of him. And suddenly tears welled up at the back of my eyes and I felt like crying as how I cried many times over the years of missing him.

I thought, I have gotten over him after all these years but little did I realized, it still hurt as it was during the first time. I do not want to write my melancholia rambling and thoughts here, but that is what this blog is for.

I feel so alone and really missed his presence, smile, laughter, scolding, brotherly advise, love and concern, and I really miss him.



I still remember, a year after that tragic year, there I was together with my brother M, sitting on a bench along Oxford Street, in that chilly windy night, watching people passing by then M pointed one tailoring shop saying that it reminds him of his last trip with J to London, they went to the shop to buy some suit and tie for J.

I could feel the lump in my throat and silently, tears flowed down my cheeks. Yes, in that busy street in London, with its vibrant and lively spirit - I suddenly felt so alone and heart broken. I have two most wonderful brothers in the world, but one was taken from me. And I cried silently at that busy Oxford street, recollecting all the memories of his footstep.


The gestures and serious gaze that often scares the hell out of us siblings and his offsprings, but we know that he loves us more than life itself.


And, the smiles! I could not forget those smiles that sparks whenever he's surrounded by his people and friends. What can I do to bring that smile back to our people?