Forgiveness

Sometimes I dont understand myself.

I have all the reasons to hate, but still I cant hate to the extent. Last two weeks, I asked myself this question : Say if I bump into so and so, what would be my reaction? What will be the first words that comes out of my mouth? Will I act like a dove? or tiger? or stone?

Thinking of the way he treated our family during the most painful and agonizing periods, logically thinking, he's worth of all the shame, lesson from above. Not to mentioned that pain in my heart seeing my mom cried at no times.

But still I found that I cant hate him. I feel some kind of peace in my heart towards him.

And, last weekend as I called my sister back home, she shared with me some visions. Then I realized how God has taken place in my heart. Deliberately, without my realization, He heals and stores. I found peace. I found love. I found forgiveness.

And that lady.

I could have utterly hate her for everything. For all the misery she has caused over the years. And of the lost relationship. I have seen her from the other side of the window. And not many knows.

But yesterday, I read some blogs. I found another way to forgive her.

I've realized that all this while, I have built strong tower surrounds my heart. I do not want to hate her. What's the point? Just let her be. Pray for her, pray for her, says my mom.

Indeed that is what I do.. despite the hardness.

Last two days, after a talk with my sister, later that night, I went into the room, lock the door, and turn on the music. There I sat down on the floor. Feeling weak and drained. Tears started welling in my eyes, and slowly dropped on my cheeks. I cried. I feel like Hannah. No spoken words. Just heart.

I let my spirit pray. In the midst of that, I remembered her. I know that my spirit has prayed for her too.

Let the Spirit works. Let the Spirit works.

God understand.